Shake it!

Merry Christmas!!! this morning I was in church with my buddy celebrating Jesus’ Birthday, and since I am Catholic we have the sign of peace towards the end of Mass.

I was always taught to look into the person’s eye when shaking hands…

Well I went to shake the persons hand next to me and I guess I didn’t get a good look at the target and I completely missed their hand and we shook forearms. That’s a big miss, the forearm is pretty far along the arm!!! How do you recover from that, it’s just a weird fluke thing.

So I used my other hand to try to get us straightened out…oh well, that’s just weird, you know what I am talking about, don’t pretend that you haven’t shaken a wrist by mistake. It’s right up there with the early squeeze unequal grip hand shake, and that non interlocking thumb wrist catch hand shake. I guess it could have been worse…

Strike 3, you're OUT!

Modern communication is a necessary part of meeting someone you might want to date. My dear friends, it’s true! It is imperative that your brain signals trigger the necessary neurons to create movement in your vocal chords in a united effort to assemble a string of sounds in such a pattern that they form REAL words we commonly have been referring to for the past several millenniums as "a sentence". Critical…

A while back I was in a coffee shop getting my daily fix of caffeine when suddenly I could see walking in from a car in the parking lot a young woman that was extremely pretty and her demeanor seemed as if her looks were a good indicator of her sweetness. After determining her age and to the best of my ability confirming that she was at least over 22, I decided I would "try" to talk to her.

Strike 1-
She was standing right next to me in line, I ordered my coffee and she ordered hers. She asked if they had bagels, they indicated they only had plane bagels. Immediately She looked over to me and smiled disappointedly, to my tremendous surprise and subsequent disappointment I looked back, smiled at her and made a sound like “Huh?!?”. There we were, in a moment of complete stare awkwardness, you all know what i mean. Well y'all, the problem there is that I made a sound. I didn’t say "good morning!" or " how are you" or even "Hi"…nope I said “huh?!?”…seriously, what is that??? My little Dynamite(see last blog entry for definition of that) was saying to me "Words mike, words, think of something, say something, say anything.
AN-Y-THING!!!!!

Strike2-
Confused by this unlikely turn of events (speechless , or no ideas for any wordsJ ) I headed over to prepare my coffee. There I was, stirring, spilling, putting in sugar…basically…Stalling! As expected she walked over to me, again she smiled at me for a second time. This time you would think I would have spoken…but nope, again NOTHING came out of my mouth. This is very unlike me. I generally have something to say in all situations! I politely smiled back. Confused I then walked away.

Strike 3-
So I decided that I couldn’t give up just yet, so outside there were tables for 2 all over. I picked a prime spot to sit and positioned myself in plain view. I thought, "if she walks by, I’ll stop her and strike up a conversation, this is easy, she's friendly we have exchanged smiles, i just need to start it off..couldn't be easier!" Sure enough, she walked by AND she now spoke, and said "goodmorning"..What came next could never have been planned! It was amazing…

I did something almost unbelievable! I held up my cup, smiled and nodded approvingly at my cup of coffee, holding it up slightly and looking right at her. Picture this, Vanna White showing off a cup of coffee..how ridiculous right?? Right!!! Who does that? I didn’t even say hi back...(the difficulty of this move is so complex, words almost don't capture it's essence!)

The moral of this story is that making primal sounds and gestures as well as not saying anything does not work like it did in the age of cavemen.

The Dynamite!!!!






Ya know, our conscience..Yep, it has a voice..It's true!!!
..It's just the way we are designed! My conscience has a famous voice! Seriously, I hate it! I wish i had some good voice like, James earl Jones or something like that...Nope, definitely not him. Or maybe an Australian one like the Crocodile Hunter..that would be cool!!! But again, that's not what i hear...

Ya see, I have been blessed with my very own version of Napoleon Dynamite himself walking around in my brain......Oh the comments that come out of my mouth...My own personal NapoleonDynamite is in my head telling me to say things like They generally end with me looking awkward and thinking..."why did i just say that???" LISTEN TO WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE

But come on, we all have a funny little voice in our head:)

Seriously, that whole HIGH FIVE thing...yeah, i heard him, he told me to do it! ha, ha, ha!

The moral of the story is that we all have an inner voice, we're gonna call that "the Dynamite". We just don't want to let the Dynamite go off in our heads too often ya know! (for many more Dynamite quotes, click on the my little friend up there)

As a service to my boyz, so that they get cool Christmas presents and to you, their ladyz, I am going to provide yall with the list you need to make shopping quick, fun and easy this Christmas. heck and for the vast majority of these awesome gifts that say i love you, they are all under $200 bucks (except the grills and TV stuff). We have stocking stuffers up to room fillers...ohhhh so many goodies!!!! ( tried to use specific names, just in case you wanted to print this out and ask for it verbatim)

If you ask me, I am a typical guy, here are 10(ish) categories and lots of stuff I think any guy would want to have this Christmas. Guaranteed to have something for everyone! Including me, email me for my address and I will tell you which things I want :

I-DVD's - No DVD collection is complete without the following Classics:
Gladiator, Office Space, The Rookie, Rudy, Miracle, Field of Dreams, Talladega Nights, The Natural, Jerry Maquire, Hoop Dreams, Friday Night Lights, Any Given Sunday, Remember the Titans, Batman Begins and Braveheart

II- Tools- No Tool Box is complete without the following: (Home Depot, various prices all under $200 bucks)

1. Cordless drill: (18V is king)

2. 16-ounce hammer: Great for big and small jobs.

3. Angle square: Use it for layout, cut-line marking or to check corners for squareness.

4. Multihead screwdriver: You'll need Phillips and slotted tips for most household projects.

5. Pry bar: Use it to dismantle framing, pull nails and remove moldings, and for demolition.

6. Utility knife: Great for cutting vinyl floor-ing, roofing shingles and building materials.

7. 25-foot tape measure: Compact for small-scale work, but stretches for bigger chores.

8. Adjustable wrench: A 10-inch model is the perfect size.

9. Chalk line: Use it to snap straight guidelines for cutting plywood or laying floor tile.

10. Non-contact voltage tester: A must for electrical repairs. \

11. Circular saw: Look for 12 amps minimum, to cut metal and concrete with the appropriate blade

12. 24-inch level: For big and small tasks.

III- Computer gadgetry is very cool, the following are a few necessities that are helpful to the computer savvy feller: (Office Depot or Best Buy, various prices all under $200 bucks)

1. USB Jump Drive

2. Wireless mouse for the laptop

3. USB External Hardrive

IV- Must Have mobile electronic Toys (Best BUY, various prices all under $200 bucks)

1. Ipod Nano (best bang for the buck)

2. Ipod Video

3. Philips - Behind-the-Neck Noise Canceling Headphones

4. JVC - Marshmallow Ear Bud Headphones - (most excellent for working out)

5. DLO HomeDock Deluxe for Apple® iPod (adaptor to intergrate IPOD to home system)

6. JBL On Stage Portable Music Station for Apple® iPod(tm)

V- Obviously Home stereo/theater system is a must, the only recommendation here is that you do your research and spend the money where it counts. Buy components and if it takes a while to get the system completed that's ok. Speakers need to be top quality; receiver is of utmost importance, DVD player not as important. CD player, thing of the past...TV- that's tough, let him pick it out. Go with TIVO (the actual Brand) , they have some awesome things coming out that will integrate computers to TIVO like the TIVO® Wireless-G USB Network Adapter(Best Buy).

VI-Grilling- A man needs 3 things in life to be happy...A good TV for sports, Good tools for whatever, and a good Grill, lol . LOWES has great grills and great grilling tools. Since the price of Grills is like TV's, let's focus on the necessary grilling tools, obviously you need the standard things so allow me to get creative here for you:

1. Rotary Skewer Set (www.frontgate.com)

2. Stainless steel grilling from Frontgate (www.frontgate.com)

3. Handle Mount Grill Light, Brookstone sku # 439794 (www.brookstone.com)

4. Grilling Sink (now days you can get a portable sink from Lowe's or HD that plugs into a standard garden hose)..Rolling Water Station ( www.improvementscatalog.com )

5. Remote-check ET-7 Wireless Thermometer with 2 probes ( www.amazon.com)

6. Advent 900 MHz Wireless Outdoor Speakers - AW810

7. Grill-Top Pizza Stone -Williams-Sonoma ( I make the best pizza on the grill, it's so enjoyable! This isn't a must have, but it's darn cool)

8. Basting Sauce Pot & Brush

VII- In the car- It's like a little oasis...

1. Harman Kardon Drive + Play Vehicle Interface Kit for Apple® iPod (adapter for Ipod to get CD quality sound)

2. Garmin StreetPilot c330 GPS Receiver (umm, I have one, best thing ever!!!) www.buyersedge.com worth every penny of the $330 I paid!

3. Good set of Jumper Cables. ( everyone wants to be the hero)

4. Basic tools: Keep a pair of screwdrivers (Philips head and flat blade; medium-size), an adjustable crescent wrench, a roll of duct tape and perhaps a small socket set in the trunk. A small plastic fishing tackle-type box makes for an excellent storage unit. ( looking like we know what we are doing is cool too:)

5. Smart AC Inverter - Wagan Tech- A Smart AC Inverter converts your 12-volt cigarette lighter outlet into the equivalent of a wall socket (under $50 Bucks)

VIII- The Traveling dude... traveling without the electronic chargers can be a pain - major bummer! I personally keep a bag packed with what I need. I can't risk forgetting a cell phone, Ipod charger or PDA charger. I am only going to make 1 suggestion here:

1. I- GO (http://www.igo.com/ ) love my I GO stuff! This one thing eliminates the need for extra wires and adaptors... It's good stuff, check it out. Radio Shack sells basic I GO stuff.

IX- Hip Trends ...What's in? Wine is in. If wine is something interesting, you need to have a few things, here is what's necessary:

1. The Beginner Set Includes: Spiegelau Vino Grande Bordeaux Magnum - Box of 6 , The Rabbit Corkscrew w/Free Foil Cutter, Bar Master, Wine Saver Giftpack (1 Pump-Black 2 Stoppers) , Terra Cotta Wine/Champagne Cooler (www.winestuff.com )

2. Windows on the World Complete Wine Course: 2006 Edition: A Lively Guide (www.winestuff.com )

X- Choice Pick- If I could have one little gadget what would I want??? Here's it is!!!!
It's all about electronics and sports for me:
Panasonic HD Home Cinema Projector (www.costco.com)

YES, I DID WRITE THIS LIST MYSELF!!!!!

Five, six, seven, eight...






Dating = fun topic of discussion...

NEVER end a date with a HIGH FIVE!
that's right sports fans, no matter how much fun you had, what sports you played, if you were the Heisman trophy winner, or if by some fluke the BCS just got put in the National Championship based on Style Points , it's never ok to put your five figers up and motion forward in an act of sports exhilaration we comonly call the HIGH FIVE to conclude the evening with a person you want to go out with again....

I learned this about 7 years ago..How you ask?? well I was young and inexperienced in the dating realm. There i was coming to the end of what seemed to be a fantastic date. We had been to Dave and Busters, we had had dinner and gone out for wine in the Vinings. Things seemed to be going real well. I enjoyed myself and we were well into the awkward ending part of the first date, you know what part i am referring. Should we hug, or kiss, mix our signals and do a wierd version of both and neither? Ughhh, the moments dragged on and seemed like an hour. I was trying to get a read on the defense. Down, Set , Hike...She moves left, moves right obviously has some good defenders... Understanding a girl is like a trying to execute a double reverse against the OHIO defense . You have to keep your eyes open and watch to make sure the line isn't breaking down. I was trying to get my bearings, is the play breaking down???..what was she telling me, was it a good date, is a kiss ok, should i hold her hand, hug her..oh no, i am just so uncertain...and that's when i did it...I put up my hand in a HIGH FIVE in an attempt to break the awkwardness....i remember thinking, "that's great, this will be funny and ease the tension and i can't get outta this date and make my move the next date..."



You guessed it...There was no next date.



So keep this little gem in your bag of knowledge all you daters out there!